Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
