Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
nutella sex= disaster
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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