you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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