it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
