We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
