Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize