he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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