All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
