Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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