that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
