He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
