It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
