2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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