i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
