She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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