I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
