chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
