If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
