He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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