Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
