Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
