im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
