Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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