**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
