omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.