She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.