found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore