Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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