Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize