I can text with my tongue
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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