Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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