you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
