Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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