You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
