I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
