Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
