The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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