he referred to my room as the tit cave...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
porn star boner night. come get it.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
