She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
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I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
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My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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