"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
