Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
