How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize