I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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