We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
