please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
