I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
