Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
