take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
