Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I am available for nakedness
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
