Only a mothe r could love this liver
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
