it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
