i just sent this text using only my big toe
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
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