You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He shit in the fireplace
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
