she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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