I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Randomize
