So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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