my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
