I wish I could teleport
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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