I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.