i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.