I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I have aggressive nipples.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
