Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
dude. I can hear the air.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
