yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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