i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.