I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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