how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.