i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
