he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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