found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
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Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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