I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
