she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
