I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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