so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
