I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
