I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He has the fingertips of a God
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