I wanna passion pit in your ass
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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