I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
