He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
