I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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