I'm eating all of the evidence.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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